Day 10

Day 10, Thu 18/3/10
I'll pick up a thread that occurred to me the other day.

There are some women that I see as available to be perved on and some that I don't.

There are women that I see as available to be perved on? That's disgusting! But I'll just follow where I was going with this first, because it leads back to here anyway.

When I see a woman lookng all dressed up, with fashionable or formal clothes and conventional make-up, I see her as an object - a character in a performance instead of a person in real life. I also see her as someone it is OK for me to get some sexual gratificiation from. I very rarely see her as a fellow human out in the world getting by and facing hard times, having good times, having a personality and so on. Similarly, when a woman is wearing clothes that come close to revelaing her breasts or undies, I se eher as a mere object in my view and as somehere it is OK to look for sexual gratification.

When a woman behaves in a very confident and forthright way and puts her personality out in frint, I see her as a real perosn who is not merely an object I can utlise. And when a woman wears a hijab or dresses like a punk, or in some other way throws off the expectation to be always visually sexually attractive, I stop seeing her as a sexual object.

But when a confident, forthright woman is sitting quietly on the bus and not asserting her personality, I am once again able to see her as an object. And when a dleiberately non-sexually dressed woman is in a situation of undress, such as getting changed or having a shower, my view of her quickly shifts ot objectification and I start to imagine ways of managing to see her body.

This is because, underneath it all, my default view of women is that they are all objects for me to take some sexual pleasure from, even if only visually. Individual women, as I get to know them, may be removed from this generalisation but I still hold onto it for most.

So I really do see women as sex objects eh? At one time, I would have denied that.

(There is another train of thought to explore here about how this view affects my relationship with my partner because now that we are close, she is not someone I objectify anymore and therefore not someone I habitually turn to for sexual gratification.)