Day 1

Day 1, Tue 09/3/10
The prupose of this writing is to confront myself with the conflict between my understanding and my behaviour. I understand how porn harms me, my partner and my relationships but I still look at it. It's total selfishness.

So I'm writing about:
- what I get out of porn, why I do it
- what it does to my partner
- what it does to me
- what it does to models etc. in the industry

When I look at porn, I can see women's bodies and sexuality without knowing them at all. That in itself is harmful because it reinforces a view that the bodies of women I don't know are available to me for my sexual pleasure.

I also get to indulge whatever fantasy has been published in porn material. This is a selfish practice too, and out of keeping with the idea of consenting relationships.

This disrespect for consent and prvacy carries over into my interactions with real women. In a situation where a woman is exposed and vulnerable, my thoughts run along the lines of my sexual experience of the situation instead of about her saftey or welfare needs or just her comfort and me being friendly.