from my little book - 3

I objectify women. I don't imagine their experience of the world but just view them as objects that affect someone else's experience. It's not totally true. There are a number of individual women whose experience I pay proper, respectful attention to but women as a group I still objectify terribly. I also feel it would be possible for me to live my life without any empathy towards women at all.

Even with random women who I don't know, I actually have some ability to relate to them as real people. And I do respect women's intelligence and qualities in many ways. But when I see an opportunity to get some sexual pleasure from seeing a woman's body, I disregard the woman's subjective existence totally and just perve on her without remorse. Afterwards, I feel guilt but at the time I suspend any feeling like that at all.

It's a conscious choice. I feel myself doing it. I step back from my empathy and understanding of my actions and just do what my cock tells me to do. And I devote intelligence and planning to it, setting up perving opportunities and devising ways to not get caught.

There are limits to my behaviour, which is partly why I've been able to keep it up so long. I will not touch a woman in a situation like that and I make a huge effort to stop her from ever knowing that her privacy has been violated at all. For years I was able to avoid dealing with the clear abuse that it is to perve on women like that by concentrating my awareness on the things I limit myself from doing. But that is a delusion, obviously.